Keeping at it from an odd head space

I've been in an odd head space the last couple days, and today was the worst so far. Had I had the stomach capacity (and no fear of dumping), I'd have eaten any or all of a large tub of chocolate gelato, a couple sesame bagels with cream cheese, and a triple-gulp sized Pepsi. I did none of these things, of course, but for a while there I really wanted it.

Everyone always talks about how surgery doesn't fix your head, and they're right. While I really always knew it was the case, there's a clear link for me in feeling depressed and wanting to eat everything in sight. Today wasn't my best day food wise, though obviously in the past it would have been pure disaster.

I did go out with the Squirrels tonight and had dinner, and spent a good hour and a half outside at Starbucks - I knit while they played cards. I enjoyed myself, though still came home feeling like I'm in a funk.

I'm not entirely sure what it's all about - I know I'm tired and frustrated with the ass incision issue - 2.5 weeks until surgery feels like forever still. The Event is popping into my head more lately; I think it's that book wanting to come out of me, but I don't think I have the mental energy to attack that right now. And of course the ass incision complicates the exercise ability (it's angry today), which just pisses me off because it is impacting my weight loss progress. I'm hoping once I get through surgery and this finally (please, please) heals, I'll start feeling better.

So here's the good, the bad, and the ugly for today:

My Meals: 

Breakfast: 

• Dannon Light & Fit raspberry yogurt
• 1 serving mini cauliflower cheese gratin

Lunch

• Left over beef with broccoli from chinese take out - probably 4 oz beef and a cup of broccoli

Snack

• 1/2 cup leftover corn
• 1 bottle Gatorade G2 (low calorie)

Dinner

• 4 oz hamburger steak
• 1 cup green salad
• 2 tbsp ranch dressing

Water - 40oz - 60oz fluid total with the G2

 Daily Totals: 1117 calories, 59.3g fat, 80g carbohydrates, 31.7g sugars, 66g protein

Ouch - OK, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but that's more fat than I really should be having, and about 200 calories more than is my current goal. 200 calories won't kill me of course, but it's 200 more calories I'll have to burn off in continuing to lose. I could have had a better day by far.