Thursday, February 16, 2012

Clothes Shopping - Still Demoralizing

I have a confession to make - I hate clothes shopping. Lots of women do, and not just heavy women, I know. I'll also confess that my weight and fit issues made it easiest to wear "pull-on" type pants - you know, granny pants with elastic waists. Sure, they were denim or twill, but still - not exactly fashion forward. My jeans of this style have been progressively falling off my ass - that's good, right? You'd think with 75 pounds less on my body, I'd certainly be needing smaller clothes. I went through the sizes I had in my closet, plus the next smaller one I'd bought right before surgery. It was time to get a pair in the next couple sizes down.

So the Man and I went shopping yesterday afternoon - I figured I'd try a pair of zip-front jeans, after all, I was working in 4 sizes smaller than I'd started out, something should fit, right?

How wrong could I have been? First issue, was that Catherine's appears to have stopped carrying the jeans I've been buying for years. The store had a pair in both 18 and 16 - the 18 will probably fit in about 5-10 more pounds, and the way I'm dropping, picking up the 16 probably was a wise idea. But then I tried on some "curvy" styled zip-front jeans. The 22 was laughable - not a chance it was coming up over my hips. So I snagged a 26, thinking that had to work. Wrong - I got them up over my still-substantial ass, but there wasn't a chance they were going to button and zip.

I just wanted to cry. 75 pounds, and I still can't wear a normal pair of pants. I know I still have a long way to go - but my god, 75 pounds is like a 5th grader, shouldn't that be making more of a difference? I know that the Man and I agreed that after my loss is at goal, and we resolve the IVF issue one way or the other, that we'll get me the plastic surgery needed to remove excess skin and get the girls back to where they belong, etc. But I can't help but feel like I'll be a freak for a couple years - trading fat freak for drooping dangling skin freak.

I just want to be normal.

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