Yesterday marked the completion of one week on the pre-op diet. I'm not feeling as good as I'd hoped to by now, but some of the symptoms are gone; not as light headed or nauseous as I was before, but I still get hunger related stomach cramps, and have to be very careful in spacing out my oral medications, as too many pills at once will immediately cramp my stomach.
I saw Libby yesterday afternoon, and she was quite proud of me - I was telling her that the way I get through the treadmill sessions when I'm tired and feeling like I want to stop, is to repeat to myself "You can do anything for 10 minutes", or however much longer I have to go. She said I was one of the most determined people she's ever met; referring to this, but also all that I managed to do in the last year after the Event - still work, finish grad school in the face of hostile team mates, the death of my mother-in-law Virginia, and more.
I know it looks like sheer determination from the outside but from the inside, I had no other choice. I make twice what my husband does, and if I'd given in to the very real desire to curl up in a ball in bed and never get up again, we'd have quickly been in dire financial straights, I'd be paying ungodly student loans for a degree not finished, and all sorts of other situations that just could not be allowed to happen. So perhaps it was determination, but it feels to me more like self-preservation. Certainly a lot of purposeful denial went along with it, and there were more than a few times where I "phoned it in" on various tasks, but I made it through.
Looking back now, even I don't really know how I did it - I'm exhausted just from working and getting ready for all of this. I suppose it did teach me one thing, that I can live through just about anything. It won't necessarily be easy, and it certainly won't be pretty, but I can do it.
So two more weeks? Nothing to it - a little hunger isn't going to kill me (though that damned treadmill just might!)
This morning's stats:
Weight: 307.4 lbs
Pre-Op Diet Loss: 11.2 lbs
Total program loss to date: 30.6 lbs
Friday I check in with the surgical team for all of my pre-op testing and consultation. Should be an interesting morning!